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Tell-tale Signs
Counselors break down suicide myths; talk to students and parents
by Grace Rauh
If Palo Alto students and parents learn one thing from Benjamin Tachibana's death, Dr. Philippe Rey hopes it is a willingness to talk openly about mortality and suicide.
"Bringing it up and talking about it is the best prevention," said Rey, the Adolescent Counseling Services associate director. "There is a myth again that talking about suicide will cause someone to do it."
ACS counseling staff was consolidated at Palo Alto High School on Monday, after Paly sophomore Tachibana committed suicide by jumping in front of a moving Caltrain on Friday night. ACS provides free walk-in counseling for Palo Alto middle and high school students.
Tachibana's suicide has re-ignited the parental anxiety that followed Paly freshman Steven Wertheimer's death last fall, and parents are asking "could my child be next," Rey said.
Tachibana and Wertheimer's suicides speak to the real dangers of teen pressure in Palo Alto.
"In our program we have kids coming in saying they are afraid to come home at night," because they received a B-plus in class, Rey said. Other students have said their friends think they are a "geek" because they drive a Honda Civic instead of a BMW.
"There is a lot of community pressure. ... We all have this need for perfection," Rey said.
Paly teachers had the option to bring counselors into their classrooms on Monday, and students are encouraged to seek out grief counselors at school, Paly Principal Sandra Pearson wrote in a letter to parents on Saturday, Nov. 15.
ACS is planning to hold a parent education night this week to talk about suicide and teen depression, but no specific date had been set as of Monday afternoon. ACS held four parent education forums last year following Paly freshman Steven Wertheimer's suicide on the Caltrain tracks. Two main discussion points emerged from the meetings.
"How could somebody so perfect do this ... ," Rey said. And how could a person who "looked like they were together, healthy, like they were doing great," commit suicide.
Last year more than 1200 students in the district visited ACS counselors. Communication problems with parents, depression, and academic stress were the three leading issues -- in that order -- that prompted students to seek counselors.
According to Rey, there is a public misconception that a suicidal teen is openly depressed , upset, and tired. Friends and family concerned about a depressed teen should be on the lookout for drastic behavior changes as a sign of suicidal tendencies, Rey said.
If a teen is depressed and suddenly seems upbeat and energetic, it could mean they have decided to end their life. Specific behavioral changes that could be red flags include weight gains and losses, severe shifts in sleeping patterns, and if a teen gives their personal belongings away. Drug and alcohol abuse may contribute to a decision to end one's life.
A recent death, family divorce, or relationship breakup could trigger suicide in an already depressed teen, Rey said. And social isolation "is a big one with teens."
Teens are also more likely to commit suicide if a member of their family has taken their life in the past, Rey said.
"It becomes part of the pattern. If somebody else has done it then it is OK for me to do it," he said.
The violent nature of Tachibana and Wertheimer's suicides doesn't surprise Rey. Girls are more likely to make suicide attempts, but boys are more likely to be successful in their attempts, because they tend to opt for more violent suicide methods like jumping in front of a train or shooting oneself, he said. Suicidal girls are more likely to overdose on pills -- leaving a window of time for someone to find them and save their lives.
Parents and students who are worried about a teenager should confront them and speak openly about suicide and death, according to Rey. Students should speak to an adult they trust -- a parent, teacher, or counselor -- to let someone know about their concerns.
Rey encourages parents to educate themselves about teenage depression and stress, and emphasizes the importance of contacting the parents of a teen they are worried about to alert them to the warning signs.
"There's a taboo about getting into other people's business and feeling that you are betraying, but this is a life and death situation," he said.
For more information about Adolescent Counseling Services and upcoming parent events call 424-0852.
24-hour hotlines:
Suicide and crisis hotline for Santa Clara County, 494-8420
Suicide and crisis hotline for San Mateo County, 368-6655
Teen 24-7 line, 1-888-247-7717
Printed with permission by the Palo Alto Weekly
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