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Dealing with Grief
Local agencies offer
help for coping with tragedy
As residents come to terms with the loss of those killed
in two car crashes last week, Palo Alto nonprofit mental-health
agencies are offering tips on coping with grief. Counselors
at the agencies are also available.
KARA, which specializes in grief counseling, offers
support groups for teens. It is an ongoing group, and
teenagers are interviewed before joining the group.
Family and Children Services offers individual counseling
services at its Palo Alto office.
Adolescent Counseling Services works with school-district
personnel to identify and help students who are not coping
well. Executive Director Philippe Rey said the service
is available now. Priority is given to students who are
currently enrolled in the summer session, but no one
will be turned away, he said.
"Death and dying are important topics; they're
also part of life," Rey said. "We can't avoid
death; let's not avoid the topic." He urged parents
to raise the topic with their children.
Therapist Kate Parkinson of Family and Children Services,
who often counsels teens, said there are many things
that can be done to help a person get through loss:
* It is okay to have feelings about the loss. We do
not have to just "get on with it." Teens are
often afraid of not looking cool or tough, and so do
not give themselves the opportunity to express their
feelings or to allow themselves to feel what they feel.
* It is important to have a safe place to express one's
feelings.
* Time alone does not bring healing. Grief is work and
it is important to our well-being to do the work, even
though it can be hard.
* Seek out support, whether from a friend, family member,
trusted adult or counselor.
* Grieving is natural, but it is often not modeled for
us. People have to learn what is needed to heal and how
to do it.
* For parents or adults it is important to offer teens
support and to show them how to grieve. If parents do
not know because they have not had the opportunity to
learn themselves, counselors in the area can advise them.
* Offer teens help and support, and keep the opportunity
open. They may not be immediately ready; they need to
know that the help is there when they need it.
* Do not pretend that the person did not exist. This
is not something to "just accept" and get back
to daily life.
* Tell the truth. Trying to protect children from knowing
what really happened to someone is so difficult since
they can hear rumors and stories elsewhere. It is better
to sit down and explain it to them so they can understand
and ask questions in a safe environment.
To get counseling help or for information, call
KARA at 650-321-5272 or visit www.kara-grief.org; Family
and Children Services at 650-326-6576 or www.fcservices.org;
and Adolescent Counseling Services at 650-424-0852
or www.acs-teens.org.
Printed with permission by the Palo Alto Weekly
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