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Students Remember Classmate
Who Took Her Own Life
by David Boyce
The Almanac
Grief-stricken friends, relatives and teachers mourned
and lamented the death of 16-year-old Ophylia Mona Lisa
Afuhaamango Mataele on Friday, March 3, at a tearful
standing-room-only memorial service at Menlo-Atherton
High School.
Ophylia, an 11th-grader at M-A, hanged herself from
the back yard eaves of a house in the 1300 block of Almanor
Avenue in Menlo Park on Tuesday, Feb 27, while attending
a party, said Robert Foucault, the San Mateo County Coroner.
A suicide note was found, Mr. Foucault said.
Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon among teens, said
Liz Schoeben, director of M-A's Adolescent Counseling
Services, a nonprofit group based in Palo Alto that offers
free psychotherapy at M-A. Suicide is the third leading
cause of death among teens, after accidental death and
drug and alcohol abuse, she said.
Ophylia's death stunned the Tongan community and people
of Polynesian ancestry throughout East Palo Alto and
nearby sections of Menlo Park, said family spokesman
Steve Teu. "She fooled me because of her smile," he
said. "No one expected this, especially from her.
She was very popular. But, as we all know now, she was
alone in the crowd."
Black-clad student mourners packed the J Building on
the M-A campus, and some came to the microphone and spoke.
Amid tears, Mele Teu recalled her need for comfort upon
learning of her mother's diagnosis of breast cancer,
and the silence from friends and relatives except Ophylia. "You
need someone to be there for you, and who was there for
me? Mona Lisa," Mele said, using her friend's middle
name.
Guitarist DeBraun Thomas played a soulful tune he said
he composed for his friend.
She was a force at M-A, playing a vibrant game of soccer
and as a mover and shaker in the school's Polynesian
Club. Her efforts raised participation among students
and parents. "She was the person who challenged
us as Polynesians to come out to M-A to support their
Polynesian Club," said Sela Teu, Mr. Teu's wife.
Mr. Teu said Ophylia, who took advanced-standing and
advanced-placement classes, had had good grades until
recently. "In the end, I was not aware of her grades
falling," he said. "She had such a big heart
and smile, every time it would sidetrack me. She'd smile
and you would think 'She's OK.' She was very strong."
M-A offers help
Ophylia's smile may
have fooled even a professional. "We're not predictors
of human behavior," said Ms. Schoeben of the school's
counseling service.
A diagnosis of clinical depression is a red flag and
can be helpful, she said, but "that still doesn't
mean they're going to do it (and) a kid can commit suicide
with no red flags."
About one in every eight adolescents experience clinical
depression, she said, referring to statistics from an
October 2002 story in Newsweek magazine.
Ms. Schoeben said the M-A community — both students
and teachers — alerts her to troubled students,
some of whom reveal their anxieties in text messages
or assigned essays.
Are teens more vulnerable? They have fewer coping skills,
she said. As an adult, "I have learned that I can
do other things besides take my own life (but) they're
young."
When a student catches their attention, counseling staff
at M-A get right to the point, asking students questions
designed to gauge how far along the path toward suicide
they are, and why they haven't gone further.
Ms. Schoeben said she calls the ambulance about three
times a school year. These students are hospitalized — maybe
for an hour, or a week or two weeks — and evaluated
by a psychiatrist.
Being hauled off in an ambulance has a message: "I
can't trust your judgment right now because you're sad.
When you start to feel better, you can make your own
decisions again."
The Adolescent Counseling Service is putting together
a letter for parents in the wake of Ophylia's death.
For
more information — for
both teens and parents — go to www.acs-teens.org
or call the Palo Alto office at 424-0852.
To reach Ms.
Schoeben, call 322-5311, ext. 5186.
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