Staying Present With It All: The Pain and The Pleasure

Written By: Will Fang, Clinical Trainee at ACS, Adolescent Substance Addiction Treatment Program

AS ADOLESCENTSand as individuals emerging into this messy, complicated, yet breathtaking world, teenagers may encounter difficult experiences, heartbreaks, unpleasant realities, rejection, elation, meaningful social connections, and perhaps even peace and freedom. It is not clear if the difficult experiences can be avoided.

Has anyone not experienced romantic heartbreak? Perhaps what is asked of us is not for us to find ways to avoid our difficult experiences but for us to find ways to sit and be present with the pain that is present in our hearts. Likewise, has there been a blissful experience that has never faded? Even our greatest moments of joy and success always seem to fade into the aether or get interrupted by some unforeseen unpleasantry or tragedy. Should we cling onto such things? Can we cling so hard that we are unable to enjoy such things when they come our way? Can we be present with the bliss and experience it for what it is? The good cannot be kept forever. The bad cannot be kept away forever. Maybe between these two, there is a sense of peace and happiness.

So how can we learn to stay present with it all? Perhaps there is an element of cultivating a sense of gentleness with ourselves. It is hard to be bullied. It is hard to encounter racism, sexism, discrimination based on sexual orientation, or other forms of discrimination. It is hard to be mistreated by your parents. Pleasures can feel amazing. Acknowledgement and praise can make us feel secure. Drugs can make it all go away for a while. Romance can make us feel really good. Can we see ourselves with softness and gentleness? Can we make friends with ourselves? Can we be merciful towards our challenges and struggles? We are the ones that must stay with ourselves until the end. No one deserves our love and compassion more than ourselves.

There are some practices we can utilize to cultivate a sense of love and compassion towards ourselves. The practice of visualizing a safe place is one that is more commonly taught in therapy. This is one where you visualize yourself present in a safe place, such as a warm and peaceful forest, a quiet and secluded beach, or a beautiful flower meadow. You can feel the cool breeze on your skin, the sun shining on you, and the ground underneath you. You can let yourself settle into the ambiance and let your problems fall away. Alongside this, you can imagine a nurturing and protective figure with you. A nurturing figure can be a loving parent, a warm and friendly dog, or a supportive romantic partner. Anything that cultivates a sense of being supported or loved will work. A protective figure can be a parent that keeps you safe, a fierce pack of wolves that watches over you, or a forcefield around you. Anything that helps the dangers in the world feel a little smaller will work. With these visualizations, you might be able to cultivate a sense of love and compassion for yourself that will be present with you wherever you go, without needing any struggling from you.

So maybe we do have the power to be fully present with it all. These practices will be beneficial towards this, and maybe we will be able to overcome the challenges that face us. Let us trust ourselves.