What’s Really Going On With Your Teen? A Lot More Than You Think

Written By: Edelya Silva, Clinical Trainee at ACS, On-Campus Counseling Program

THE TEENAGE YEARSare often referred to as the most trying years for a parent and their child. Lots of books and blogs love to capitalize on this “chaos” with catchy titles like Feeding the Mouth that Bites You or Surviving Your Child’s Adolescence. The truth is, however, that adolescence is a time of incredible changes for a young person and behavior is too often dismissed as “moody” or “hormonal” and not seen for what it truly is: growth! Here’s what I mean:

Adolescence captures a wide range of ages. Some research points to this period starting at age 10 and going through the mid-20s, although these ranges often vary by a few years across research (Gowers, 2015; Sawyer et al., 2018).  That being said, the teenage years are at the heart of adolescence within these ranges and is when the most development is happening. Let’s take a look.

Are teens really more hormonal?

Adolescence often begins with puberty – one of the main reasons that this period is referred to as “hormonal.”  However, the most hormonal changes occur early on at ages 9-10 when individuals begin to develop typical primary sex-characteristics (e.g. breast and testicular development) (Breehl & Caban, 2025). These hormonal shifts have important impacts on the next few years of their life. After this initial shift, hormones are hard at work in the body to help an adolescent grow in height, signaling the brain to make changes in processing, and establishing different needs (e.g. nutrition and sleep). Hormones also impact emotionality, with the common misconception being that they make adolescents extra moody. That is not the full truth.

While hormones lead to shifts in thinking, moods may fluctuate. However research finds that adolescents’ moods fluctuate depending on their context rather than hormones. Research has shown that mood changes during adolescence are not much different from pre-adolescence and are context-dependent, meaning an adolescent may be happy outside with friends, then sad when getting homework, then upset when they don’t like their lunch and so on (Offer & Schonert-Reichl, 1992). These mood changes can and do occur quickly at this age because their contexts shift often, too – from changing schools to having multiple teachers to packed after-school schedules and more. So it is not that they’re on an emotional rollercoaster, they are basically going with the flow!

The developing brain

What is changing in their brains then? The human brain develops from the back to the front, so generally from the areas that regulate bodily function and emotions, to the areas that govern logical reasoning, control, and regulation (Sharma et al., 2013). During adolescence, the brain begins to sort through all of its channels and connections, eliminating ones that are not needed or ineffective, and strengthening the ones that work well – essentially reshaping itself to become more efficient and able to process more complex information. The brain also learns to communicate within itself as the emotions center (limbic system) connects with the control center (pre/frontal regions) (Sharma et al., 2013). These are just some of the structural changes that occur during adolescence. Within these structures, we see changes in thought processing and reasoning as well.

Piaget, one of the leading developmental theorists, suggested that in early adolescence, individuals learn to think more logically and can begin to comprehend more complex concepts, then in middle adolescence, they begin to think more abstractly and can understand even more complex concepts (Malik & Marwaha, 2025). By age 16, research shows that adolescents have similar cognitive abilities to adults in understanding moral dilemmas and reasoning and their general cognitive abilities are the same as adults (Steinberg et al., 2009). However, their psychosocial maturity is a bit slower to develop, resulting in a “maturity gap” where they can think like adults, but still have poor impulse control, are more likely to engage in sensation seeking, and exhibit poor self-regulation (Icenogle et al., 2019). This gap eventually closes in later adolescence as the prefrontal cortex (sometimes referred to as the brakes of the brain) finishes developing (Icenogle et al., 2019).

Teens and their sense of self

As their brains develop, so does an adolescent’s sense of self. With the ability to think more abstractly, they learn to question what’s right and wrong and can think about how others see them. As their bodies change, they think more about their appearance as a part of the self. As they interact with more peers in school and extracurricular activities, they learn the social norms of how to behave in different social settings and discover what is cool and not cool to do. Peers have a heightened importance at this age as they spend increasingly more time with their peers than their parents. It may appear that parents become less important to their children at this age, but that is not the case. Adolescents spend more time with their peers and their brains are wired for reward seeking without those brakes yet, so peer pressure comes in to play. Yet, it is not as bad as you may think. Research suggests that when it comes to day to day topics, like fashion trends, adolescents are likely to rely on their peers for what’s what, but for bigger picture and long-term topics, like morals and values, adolescents still pull from their parents (Abdullah Yusof et al., 2002; Laursen & Veenstra, 2021). So, while your child may appear to care more about their friends’ opinions on their clothes and the shows they watch, they still take in what you, the parent, have to say on big picture topics. They use peers to explore their sense of self, find what fits right for them, and explore their identity as a friend and student.

These shifts (physical, cognitive, emotional, and social) don’t just happen in isolation. They interact, pile on, and sometimes overwhelm, even the most well-adjusted teen. So when your teenager seems distant, reactive, or even disinterested, it’s not necessarily personal or problematic – it’s part of the process of becoming.

Adolescence is a time of tremendous transformation, not turmoil. Yes, it can be messy, loud, emotional, and full of slammed doors. But it is also a period of intense growth and reorganization. Teens are not just navigating hormonal changes or mood swings – they’re building the brains, bodies, and belief systems that will carry them into adulthood. As a parent, your role shifts during this time: from managing to mentoring, from directing to supporting. It may feel like your influence is waning, but in truth, you’re still their foundation. The best thing you can do is stay curious, stay connected, and remember—they’re not pushing you away, they’re just trying to find themselves. And they still need you more than ever.

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References

Abdullah Yusof, S., Mohd Amin, R., Aslam Mohamed Haneef, M., & Hazizan. (2002). Formation of desired values: The role of parents. International Journal of Social Economics, 29(6), 468–479. https://doi.org/10.1108/03068290210426575

Breehl, L., & Caban, O. (2025). Physiology, Puberty. In StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK534827/

Gowers, S. (2005). Development in adolescence. Psychiatry, 4(6), 6–9. https://doi.org/10.1383/psyt.4.6.6.66353

Icenogle, G., Steinberg, L., Duell, N., Chein, J., Chang, L., Chaudhary, N., Di Giunta, L., Dodge, K. A., Fanti, K. A., Lansford, J. E., Oburu, P., Pastorelli, C., Skinner, A. T., Sorbring, E., Tapanya, S., Uribe Tirado, L. M., Alampay, L. P., Al-Hassan, S. M., Takash, H. M. S., & Bacchini, D. (2019). Adolescents’ cognitive capacity reaches adult levels prior to their psychosocial maturity: Evidence for a “maturity gap” in a multinational, cross-sectional sample. Law and Human Behavior, 43(1), 69–85. https://doi.org/10.1037/lhb0000315

Laursen, B., & Veenstra, R. (2021). Toward understanding the functions of peer influence: A summary and synthesis of recent empirical research. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 31(4), 889–907. https://doi.org/10.1111/jora.12606

Malik, F., & Marwaha, R. (2025). Cognitive Development. In StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK537095/

Offer, D., & Schonert-Reichl, K. A. (1992). Debunking the Myths of Adolescence: Findings from Recent Research. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 31(6), 1003–1014. https://doi.org/10.1097/00004583-199211000-00001

Sawyer, S. M., Azzopardi, P. S., Wickremarathne, D., & Patton, G. C. (2018). The age of adolescence. The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health, 2(3), 223–228. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2352-4642(18)30022-1

Sharma, S., Arain, Mathur, Rais, Nel, Sandhu, Haque, & Johal. (2013). Maturation of the adolescent brain. Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, 449. https://doi.org/10.2147/NDT.S39776

Steinberg, L., Cauffman, E., Woolard, J., Graham, S., & Banich, M. (2009). Are adolescents less mature than adults?: Minors’ access to abortion, the juvenile death penalty, and the alleged APA “flip-flop.” American Psychologist, 64(7), 583–594. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0014763