Supporting Children through Grief
Written By: Sam Bellusci, Clinical Trainee at ACS, On-Campus Counseling Program
EVERY CLASSROOMis a place where learning and life intersect, and sometimes, life brings heartbreak and loss. When a child loses a family member, their grief shapes how they show up at school and engage in their learning. Supporting them isn’t just about academics; it’s about compassion and connection.
In this post, I’ll explore how children respond to loss and how compassionate interventions, like legacy-building practices, from the article “Helping Children Cope with Loss: Legacy Interventions for the Grieving Classroom,” can help them process their grief and heal.
Children’s grief can look very different than adult grief. Unlike adults, kids often express their pain through behaviors, like clinginess, trouble sleeping, difficulty focusing, or even regressing to earlier developmental behaviors like bedwetting. They may also express guilt, feeling somehow responsible for the loss, or replay the death of a loved one in their play. It is crucial that educators understand that these behaviors aren’t misbehaviors, but are manifestations of grief. Developmentally, children may not fully grasp concepts like the irreversibility of death, especially younger kids.
Legacy building interventions are a thoughtful approach that has been adapted from healthcare into classroom settings. The article suggests that activities like combining art, storytelling, and reflection help children process grief by expressing themselves and creating something meaningful to remember their loved one by. Examples include art-based projects (drawing, collages), memory books or journals, or storytelling sessions where children share memories or write letters to the family member who passed away. These practices promote connection, self-expression, and meaning-making, which are essential elements for adaptive grief responses. Teachers can adapt creative, reflective tasks to fit their students’ age and cultural context, for younger kids and adolescents.
One of the approaches that is talked about is creating a memory box, which could be a good exercise for younger students. They can be asked to paint or draw a picture of a special memory or bring in a picture for their box, and put special things in there that remind them of the family member that they lost. Maybe photographs, tokens, or notes. This can be adapted in many different ways, but it gives children a creative outlet to put their grief into and to remember their loved ones in a healing way. For older children or teenagers who may not like the idea of a memory box, they can use journaling or letter writing, or even something involving music as their creative outlet to help them process. And again, this can be adapted into something different, since each child is unique, but having a way to creatively express their experience has proven to be beneficial and healing. Before doing this kind of activity, teachers and school staff should check in with parents to get their go-ahead. Participation should always be optional, and it shouldn’t be something that’s graded or tied to a child’s performance in school.
Some other practical strategies that are more verbally based are things like normalizing grief and the emotions that come with it, because when death isn’t talked about openly, children can truly feel alone and isolated as they try to make sense of their grief. They might assume that if no one is talking about death, then their own feelings and thoughts about it aren’t welcome either.
Another important aspect that educators should be aware of is to help the child maintain their routine because providing a source of stability is also very important, especially because children spend the majority of their time at school. If a child continues struggling, showing intense sadness, withdrawal, or problems at school, involving a grief counselor or school psychologist to provide additional support should be considered. Additionally, know when to collaborate with others, like parents or other faculty. Educators aren’t expected to navigate this alone. If you’re an educator, consider integrating a legacy activity in your classroom, maybe a memory box, a scrapbook, or a writing prompt to get kids to reflect on their internal experience. That small act can offer a child a profound sense of connection and comfort.